Hidden Background.
Bukannya gua ga bersyukur atas segala ketercukupan gua dari lahir. dimana gua ga harus banting tulang buat beli makan tiap hari. ga harus nyari kardus koran buat alas tidur ntar malem. i mean meaningfully hidup gua bukan soal uang, materi. tapi dilahirkan dikeluarga yang presentasi ambang harmonisnya jauh dibawah rata-rata juga bukan stop line gua.
Dari kecil gua selalu diajarin mandiri. kalo mau apa-apa you have to struggle for it. yah tapi itu cuman statement gua doang. nyatanya ya karna emang kurang diurus aja. so, dari kecil gua udah tau rasanya berjuang. rajin belajar biar gua punya prestasi. karna di otak gua that was the only way to make my parent look at me. ya setelah dimarahin karna pernah ketauan nyuri for those kind of reason. i have a traumazise about my teenegerhood. i received a lot of bullying. start from sexist bullying, physical bullying, mental bullying. the hilarious thing is for being smart and attractive. but yap i grew up from that.
Gua sebagai salah satu manusia penghuni galaksi bima sakti ini percaya human created for socialize. so do i believe to alien living. but thats not the point for now haha. socialize. i dont have any safety connection to it. related to my bullying case. jadilah gua introvert. ansos. semakin dewasa one by one gua nemu roma gua buat socialize. salah satunya dengan being an active student. jadi murid kesayangan guru. punya pendapat-pendapat saklek. lot trophies. dihargai. but gaining those things doesnt make me comfy yet. i still make a barrier for my self. ampe orang-orang ngerasa canggung dan sungkan disekitar gua. gaberani ngajak ngobrol. lucu sih wk.
Recently i found myself as an extrovert person. so i did an MBTI test again. hell ya. im an ENFJ now. at first i found it reliefing to know finally i can being socialize. my softskill gaining a lot. whats confuse me is. is it bad to be a neutral?
One of my friend said it to me. "U always have a choice lee, but being netral doesnt always mean that ure safe". gua gapernah mau being known for one circle only. entah itu circle populer gank. the common one. the clumsy one. the bad one. even the nerd one. tapi yang gua dapet for being nice to everyone is gua gapunya satupun tempat bersandar. i knew they care for me but they dont really mind to it. i also knew its all in my head. nope. maybe feeling. just let me realistically dealing with it.
Dari kecil gua selalu diajarin mandiri. kalo mau apa-apa you have to struggle for it. yah tapi itu cuman statement gua doang. nyatanya ya karna emang kurang diurus aja. so, dari kecil gua udah tau rasanya berjuang. rajin belajar biar gua punya prestasi. karna di otak gua that was the only way to make my parent look at me. ya setelah dimarahin karna pernah ketauan nyuri for those kind of reason. i have a traumazise about my teenegerhood. i received a lot of bullying. start from sexist bullying, physical bullying, mental bullying. the hilarious thing is for being smart and attractive. but yap i grew up from that.
Gua sebagai salah satu manusia penghuni galaksi bima sakti ini percaya human created for socialize. so do i believe to alien living. but thats not the point for now haha. socialize. i dont have any safety connection to it. related to my bullying case. jadilah gua introvert. ansos. semakin dewasa one by one gua nemu roma gua buat socialize. salah satunya dengan being an active student. jadi murid kesayangan guru. punya pendapat-pendapat saklek. lot trophies. dihargai. but gaining those things doesnt make me comfy yet. i still make a barrier for my self. ampe orang-orang ngerasa canggung dan sungkan disekitar gua. gaberani ngajak ngobrol. lucu sih wk.
Recently i found myself as an extrovert person. so i did an MBTI test again. hell ya. im an ENFJ now. at first i found it reliefing to know finally i can being socialize. my softskill gaining a lot. whats confuse me is. is it bad to be a neutral?
One of my friend said it to me. "U always have a choice lee, but being netral doesnt always mean that ure safe". gua gapernah mau being known for one circle only. entah itu circle populer gank. the common one. the clumsy one. the bad one. even the nerd one. tapi yang gua dapet for being nice to everyone is gua gapunya satupun tempat bersandar. i knew they care for me but they dont really mind to it. i also knew its all in my head. nope. maybe feeling. just let me realistically dealing with it.
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